previously on...
you're awfully brave buyinga place site unseen.
We could tellfrom the advertisement it was just what
we were looking for. Sometimes...
who ever said you were the father?
Didn't you thinkit was strange that you have the only lawn on wisteria lane
that needed to be mowedthree times a week?
I am going to kill you!
The truth about our loved ones...
you asked peterson's wife tomake sure he wouldn't promote me
so I quit. I'm gonna bea stay-at-home dad.
We should... talk about this.
You're goin' back to work.
Can lead you into harm's way.
I think I'm havinga heart attack.
You are gonna come throughthis operation just fine.
Hello?
rex passed awayabout ten minutes ago.
I'm so sorry.
Mr. Delfino took my dad awayto kill him.
Now I'm gonna killmr. Delfino.
It was an accepted fact among the residents of wisteria lane
that ida greenberg liked her liquor.
People had seen her drunk at sewing bees...
the department of motor vehicles...
and the first methodist church.
Ida had tried to quit drinking many times,
but she couldn'T.
Then one night in a moment of despair,
she challenged god
to quench her never-ending thirst.
Luckily for ida,god was listening.
zach,listen to me.
No!
Not so tough now,are you?
Uh! Ow! Oh! Bongo,no!
Bongo!Bongo!
It was at that moment it occurred to ida
god may work in mysterious ways,
but he isn't particularly subtle.
Sync:YTET-fisherchen -=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
Desperate Housewives
It had been a year since my death,
and a lot had changed on wisteria lane.
children had learned new games.
New neighbors had moved in.
Old houses had been rebuilt...
I told you guys twice.
Okay,craig,what's goin' on?
And fresh tragedies had occurred.
In one house,
a widow was getting ready to tell her friends of her husband's passing.
But until the time was right,
she would wait.
And life,as it tends to do,
would go on.
I look like hell. I need a hairbrush.
Yeah,um,ahem,that's not gonna help.
Susan,
officer romslove is here for your statement.
Zach young do that?
No. She fell. Bit her lip. It was an accident.
Okay.
So,uh,walk me through what happened.
well,I went over to mike's to feed the dog.
- I'm sorry? - Feed the dog.
and I turned around,
and there was zach young--
and that's zach with an "h"--
- pointing a gun at me. - The doctor said keep that in.
You gotta understand,zach's had a tough time.
- He's got emotional issues-- - 'cause he's crazy.
Still,I don't think he meant to hurt anybody.
Uh,hello! Uh,he was waiting there for you to come home
so he could kill you.
Is that what happened when you got home?
The kid took a shot at you?
Actually,susan fired the gun.
That's because I was wrestling it away from zach
so that he wouldn't shoot you.
Oh,there's blood.
Could we do this later? She's kind of a mess right now.
Yeah,I think I can fill in the rest for you.
I'd appreciate it.
- You feel better,mrs. Mayer. - Thanks.
Ow! That hurts.
- I'm gonna get you more ice. - Okay.
No,I'm tellin' you.
Susan really flew off the handle when she jumped the kid.
So you're saying this was more of a domestic squabble?
Definitely,yeah.
Are we required to press charges?
Well,you're not really required,
but it's something you should really consider when a handgun is involved.
John!
- How did you get in here? - I know where you keep the key.
- Mimosa? - No,I'm pregnant,you jackass.
I made yours with seltzer.
Do you have any idea what you've done?
That little stunt you pulled yesterday in the courtroom
could get carlos sent away for eight years.
Yeah,I thought you might be a little mad about that.
But once you calm down,
you'll see that it's just the two of us.
It's gonna be awesome.
you brought luggage?
He's gone. We don't have to sneak around anymore.
We can have a real relationship.
It's what's best for the three of us.
The three of us? How exactly does that benefit carlos?
- I'm talking about my baby. - You don't know it's your baby.
I don't even know it's your baby.
And I don't wanna know 'cause it doesn't matter.
so what,you don't love me?
Well,up until the point that you told my husband we were having an affair,
I was quite fond of you.
Since then...
not a fan!
Hey.
hey.
Oh,why on earth would you let them finger paint before breakfast?
It's my job to clean that up now,so it's my call,right?
You're right. I'm sorry.
Hey,I thought the meeting wasn't until 1.
Oh,I have a thousand things to do before that--
borrow a decent scarf from bree,
buy a lipstick I don't hate--
- mommy,mommy,look! - Aah! No! No!
No,nobody touches mommy,okay?
I love you,I love your finger painting,
but if you touch me with those messy hands,
I will cut them off.
Go on. Off. Good.
It's okay.
- A little nervous? - Who,me?
I've been out of work for seven years,
I'm a woman of a certain age in a business that values youth above all else.
- Why should I be nervous? - You are experienced.
You are brilliant.
You are going to nail this job interview,okay?
Thank you.Uh,no. I can'T...
you're very... so...
Thank you. Here.
Oh,my cell phone.
lynette,hi,it's bree.
I do hope I'm not calling too early.
Hmm?
Oh,of course you can borrowthat scarf.
I'll press it for you.
Um,I have,uh,some news.
Rex died.
I thought they weregonna operate. What happened?
Apparently rex's heartjust gave out.
Oh,my god.
So when can we see bree?
She saidshe was gonna call.
She's gota lot of things to do,
planning for the funeral,that sort of thing.
She doesn't lookthat busy to me.
Hi,hi. What are youdoing out here?
Oh,I'm just waitingfor,uh,rex's mother.
She's gonna be hereany second.
Honey,we are so sorry.
Oh,do one of youdrink soy milk?
I was cleaning outthe fridge this morning,
and rex is the only onewho drinks it.
I just bought it on friday.I'd hate to throw it away.
What a waste.
Oh,sweetie.
Honey,you can let it out.
No. No,I can't affordto fall apart right now.
Why?
You're about to find out.
bree!
Oh,stop here.This is the house.
Is that...
yes,that is rex's mother.
I can't believe it.
It's likesome hideous nightmare.
My life is over!
it appears there's a 7-year gapsince your last position.
What,did you takesome time off?
I was a stay-at-home mom.
I wish it had been time off.
- Boy or girl? - A girl...
- and three boys. - Four kids?
Yeah,of course,they won'tget in the way of the job
because my husband's stayinghome with them from now on.
I knew I could never doboth jobs justice.
That's why I chosenot to have a family.
I didn't want to be oneof those kind of women--
you know,sloughingthings off onto coworkers
because ofa pediatrician appointment or a dance recital.
I get really neuroticabout putting people out.
With all due respect,nina,won't be an issue.
I can leave home at home.
And it's not gonna breakyour heart to leave thosesad little faces behind?
are you kidding?
This office is paradise--
grown-ups talking aboutgrown-up things.
No screaming,no vomiting,no boogers under the table.
You're gonna have todrag me outta here kicking and screaming--
weekends,holidays,whenever.
All right,ed wants to makethe final decision.
So I willbring you back tomorrow at 3 for a follow-up.
Well,that--that sounds great. Thank you--
lynette,be early.Show me something.
Okay.
No way.Dad did not have a teddy bear.
He most certainly did.
Oh,that was doolittle.
Your father never wentanywhere without him.
Here's your tea,phyllis.
Oh.
Look,bree.
This was the tiethat rex wore when he graduatedfrom prep school.
I think he should wear it.
You know,for the funeral?
Phyllis,that's an orange tie.
Well,those werehis school colors--green and orange.
Well,um,he's being buriedin a blue suit.
maybe he could be buriedin a different suit.
I don't think so,but thank you,though.
You,uh,you keptdad's old comic books?
Oh,yes,I kept everything.
Look here.
I even keptthe dirty magazine that he hidunder his mattress.
He didn't thinkI knew about it,but I did.
well,looks like dadwas into big breasts.
Oh,yes.
That's why I was surprisedwhen he married your mother.
So you're just not gonnatalk to me,is that it?
Fine.
I don't need to talk.
Okay. Yes,I hada little affair.
It wasn't the best thing to do,and I'm not proud of it.
But it's not the worst thingthat could have happened.
Nobody died.
Oh,don't be such a martyr,carlos.
Okay,it takes two people.
How many times did you go offon your little business trips
and leave me alone?
See,so technically,you cheated,too.
It's just your mistresswas your work.
No,okay.That was a stretch.I'm sorry.
Carlos,wait! Come back.Look,I wanna start over.
We're gonna have a baby.
Isn't thatwhat you always wanted?
Carlos,wait!
I said I was sorryand I love you!
What more do you want?!
I want a paternity test.
Mrs. Applewhite,hi.
I am bree van de kamp,
and this ismy daughter danielle.
- Hello. - hi.
Hey,I'm matthew.This is my son.
Hi. I would have been oversooner to introduce myself,
but I'm afraid there's beena death in my family.
My dad.
I'm so sorry.I lost my dad,too.
I know what you must begoing through right now.
Thank you.
Anyway,I'm afraidthat my visit has an ulterior motive.
The organist at our churchis on vacation,
and edie britt mentioned that you used to bea concert pianist,and--
I would be honoredto play for you.
Why don't I bringsome sheet music over later
and we can plansome selections?
Thank you. That's just a hugeweight off my shoulders.
Oh,these are for you. - How sweet.
Bree,we widowshave to stick together.
Bye.
Pretendingyour father's dead?
Don't you find thata little morbid?
Well,I just thought it couldhelp our cover story,okay?
Just,you know,win 'em over.
Oh,sweetie.I know you meant well.
But in the future,you leavethe cleverness to me.
Since when are we protectedby dorset security?
Oh,we're not.It's a deterrentin case zach comes back.
I told mikeI didn't sleep last night,so he got me this sign.
That guy is so supportive.
You know he's out right nowin a ride-along with the police searching for zach?
- Really? - Yeah.
He's determined to seethat kid behind bars.
So tomorrow at school I want you to leteverybody know
that we got this new,expensive security system.
- Mom,just-- - work itinto the conversation.
- You know,put the word out there - I've gotta tell you something.
- Emphasize the motion detectors. - Mom,stop,stop.Listen.
What? What is it?
Yesterday I overheardmike telling that cop
that he didn't wannapress charges against zach.
He made the whole thingsound like it was your fault.
My fault?
Hi. Uh,I needa paternity test.
Well,we'll just schedule youfor an exam.
Oh,no,no. I-I don't needto take a test.
I am just tryingto reassure my husband of what I knowis true in my heart.
So if you could just slip mesomeone else's test results,
I could make my own.
I got photoshopfor christmas.
Oh,come on.
You look likea fun-loving girl.
I am sure you've been in a couple hairy situationsof your own.
Just because I chooseto express myself
doesn't mean thatI condone adultery.
Sorry.
Paternity test results?
I know.I'm in the same situation.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
I just found outthe clinic screwed up
and gave me an eggthat belonged to some lesbian.
It was supposed to beimplanted in her lover,
and nowmy husband's freaking out
because he thinks thatour baby's gonna be gay!
Okay. We're inslightly different situations.
But do you wanna geta cup of coffee and talk about it?
Yeah. That'd be nice.Thanks.
Yeah. Us girlshave to stick together.
We shouldn't letthat stupid piece of paper ruin our life.
Yeah!
Obviously,I've known rex for years,
but when it comesto writing a eulogy,
I like as much inputfrom the family as possible.
Oh. Well,um,what kind of input?
Oh,well,he means anecdotes,
little stories.
Isn't that what you mean,reverend?
Well,yes,but,uh,also--
I thought thatyou might need some help,
so last nightI stayed up all night
and tried to rememberfunny things
and moments that said so muchabout rex as a person.
My. How--how many pagesdo you have there?
15.
well,you're hardlygoing to have to write anything at all,reverend.
Some of those anecdotesare just priceless.
Phyllis,these are all thingsthat happened to rex before he went to college.
So?
Well,don't you think it'd benice if reverend devoted
part of the eulogy to his lifeafter he was married?
Oh,well,yes,of course.
The reverend will mentionthat part of his life.
He's going to do morethan mention it.
That's the parthe'll focus on.
In fact,I think three anecdotesfrom rex's childhood is more than enough.
Um,that--that seems fair.
Well,whatever you thinkis appropriate.
Fine.
I just thoughtif we were going to focus on a time in rex's life,
that we might as well focuson the happiest time.
let's talk flowers.
Now I knowlilies are traditional,
but I think I can get youa deal on some white roses.
Reverend,if you don't call her on that incrediblyinsensitive comment,
I'm gonna lose it.
I'm sure she didn't mean itthe way it sounded.
- I knew exactlywhat I was saying. - Ladies--
the happiest timein rex's life was not his childhood.
He loved being a husband,and he loved being a father.
Well,he may have lovedbeing a father,
but your marriagewas a disaster.
Phyllis,is there somethingyou'd like to say?
You made the last yearsof rex's life miserable,
and now he's dead,
and he'll never haveanother chance at happiness.
You are no longerinvited to the funeral.
What?
- You're not serious. - Oh,yes,I am.
I am going to hire security,
and those security menare going to have sticks,
and if you so much asset foot in that sanctuary,
they will be instructedto beat you with those sticks.
Bree,this is your grief talking--
reverend,if you don'tback me up on this,so help me,
I will pull the funeral out of your church.
- Bree! - I am not kidding.
I will go nondenominationalso fast,it will make your head spin.
Susan,I heardwhat happened with zach.
How are you doing?
- Fine. Is mike here? - Inside.
Jeez. You must have beenterrified.
I mean,he put poor feliciain the hospital.
- Did he pistol-whip you? - No.
Oh,come on.You can tell me.
- Did he slap you around? - No.
Well,don't get me wrong.I'm thrilled that you're okay.
It's just that when someoneholds someone else hostage,
they usuallyrough 'em up a little.
It wasn't like that.
- Not even a little kicking? - Edie...
someone to see you.
- Well,hey,how's it goin'? - Good.
So there'sa rumor going around
that you don't wannapress charges against zach.
Is that true?
Yeah.
Wow. Um... I find that...confusing.
Look,if we makea big deal out of this,
he could end upgoing to prison.
He held a gun to my face,so I'm thinking,"good."
I've been to prison.He couldn't handle it.
- Who cares? - I care.
Well,you should caremore about me.
I'm your girlfriend.We're moving in together.
He's just a neighbor.You don't even know zach.
I know enough about him to knowthat deep down,he's a good kid.
Mike,he wanted to kill you.
But he didn'T.
You never asked me whyzach wanted to shoot you.
Aren't you curious?Does it matter?
Zach said you kidnappedhis father so you could kill him.
I didn't kill paul young.
I didn't think you did.Now tell me why zach does.
I found some evidencethat suggested that paul murdered deirdre.
16 years agodeirdre had a baby,
and paul and mary alice youngkidnapped him
and raised him as their own.
Deirdre tracked him down hereto wisteria lane and demanded her baby back.
So paul killed her?
Actually,it was mary alice.
Oh,my god.
Mike?
I answered your phone.
It's the police.
Yeah. Delfino.
You did?
Okay,I can be therein 20 minutes.
Zach's dead.
They want me to comeidentify the body.
Thanks for coming down.
Since the kid's fatheris missing,
we didn't knowwho else to call.
So... you folks ready?
that's not zach.
You're sure?
He had a gun in my facefor six hours.
I know what he looks like.
- Can you give us a minute? - Sure.
- Zach is your son,isn't he? - Yeah.
I'm pretty sure.
How long have you known?
Paul young told me.
Deirdre got pregnantbefore I went to jail
and,um,told meshe had an abortion.
Guess she lied.
I see.
When I took paulout to the desert,
and I was so angry,I just wanted to hurt him...
the way they hurt deirdre.
But then when he told me
that he and mary alice hadtaken care of deirdre's baby--
my baby...
that rage just went away.
Kept me from doingsomething really stupid.
I'm gonna take a cab home,okay?
Mom,grandma's leaving,all right?You have to talk to her.
No,I don'T. If you heardthe things that she said to me--
look,I'm sure she wasa real bitch,okay?
But she's family,so that makes her our bitch.
Let her say good-byeto dad.
She went out of her wayto be cruel to me.
I don't want her at the funeral.
Mom,if you don't let grandmacome,I will never forgive you.
Did I ask for your help?
You know dadwould want her there.
It's true rex and I did nothave the perfect marriage,
but for 18 yearsI tried my very best,
and for that I am entitledto your respect.
Of course you are.
Of course I respect you.
Well,then why did you saythose things to me?
I guess I thought it would beeasier to be angry at you
than to be angry with rex.
I mean,what was he thinking,
leaving me?
I do want you to cometo the funeral.
you don't know whatthat means to me,bree.
Thank you.
Someone should get my luggage.
Okay,let's get outta here.Tom?
- yeah? - Mom.
What's the matter?
My back--I threw it out. I washolding parker upside down.
Okay. Come on.Give me your feet.
how's that?Is that better?
honey,can you push the interview?
Because I don't thinkI'm gonna be able
to take care of penny like this.
Don't do this to me.
I don't have timeto make a phone call,
and I promised that womanI would not let the kids
interfere with this job.
But that wasa stupid promise.
Remember that time whenyou were away in tucson,and I had a 104 fever,
but I still managed to take the kids trick-or-treating?
honey...
I don't think that's helping.
Tom,being a mom is likebeing an E.R. Doctor.
There are no days off,so get up! Get up!
Okay.
Jeez,are you crying?
Just a little.
I'll be fine. You just... go.Just go.
oh,for god sakes.
Give 'em hell,honey.
You...
hi,mrs. Scavo.You can wait inside.
- They'll be right in. - Great.
Listen,uh...
- stu. - Stu.
You look like a bright,uh,responsible young man,
and I bet you just love kids.Am I right?
Ed ferrara,lynette scavo.
Thanks so muchfor having me in.
Nice to meet you.Please,sit.
Thank you.
We're gonna have tomake this quick.
I gotta leave in fiveto catch a plane.
I got celtic ticketson the floor.
This is a great r閟um?
I see you workedwith the donahues.
You know,I snakedthe oslo candy account from 'em last year.
So you've donea lot of copy work?
I have. But when I movedover to cenn and simmons,
um,I got to doa broader range of campaigns.
T...
uh,V...
and... uh...
radio...
uh,billboards.
could you excuse mefor a minute?
Please?
What's going on?
I have no idea.
Stu,you are an idiot.
You're an idiot,an absolute idiot.
Hi.
Ha! Guys,I'd like youto meet penny.
She gives meall my best ideas.
You brought your babyto the interview.
- It won't be an ongoing thing. - You bet it won'T.
Nina,it's fine.
Any chance we can getthat little lady to be quiet?
Not until I change her diaper.
Could you just give metwo minutes?
Sorry. Plane.Well...
then watch me multitask.
Here's how I see it.
You guys runa really good shop,
but if you want your agencyto go to the next level,
you have to focuson two things.
First,you've gotta winsome awards.
Do some P.S.A.S,pro bono stuff,whatever it takes,
because whetherthey admit it or not,
clients care aboutwhat's in your trophy case.
Two--your web site.
It's the first thinga client's gonna look at,
and it's hard to navigate.There's no site map.
It just wasn't builtfor people who grow up without computers.
There. And third...
I don't have a third.
Yeah,so that'S... it.
Okay.
You're in.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
Take the office across the hall.I gotta run.
Well,all right!
Okay,obviously,I'm gonna clean that up.
Here it is in black and white.It's your kid.
What?Why aren't you smiling?
It's not enough.
What do you want,a father's day card?
You knew the one thingthat I demanded was fidelity,
and you still went outand screwed around behind my back.
You knew the one thingI didn't want was a child,
and you still tricked me into getting pregnant.
It's not the same thing.
Damn straight.What you did was worse.
We're not very nice people,are we?
No,we're not.
Oh,when we got married,
I thought we were gonna beso happy.
Me too.
Look on the bright side.At least we're still rich.
Thank god for that.
So it occurred to me...
that I was really rudeat the morgue.
When you told me about zach,I was so busy freaking out,
I never actuallycongratulated you.
Congratulated me?
Yeah,I know how muchyou've always wanted a child,
and now you have one.
Thanks.
Obviously,um,it was quite a shock,
but it's good newsany way you slice it.
What's wrong?
So naturally you'll bewanting to...
have a relationship with him,and that takes time,
- a lot of time. - Susan--
and out of all the mixed-upteenagers in the world,
zach is just the one kidthat I can't be around.
I can't have juliearound him.
So,um,what I'm tryingto say is...
we can't move in together.
But I am so happy for you.
Really,you have a child,and that is good for you.
Isn't there any way--
no. No,I...
so sorry.
I'll--I'll,um,
I'll see you around.
today we've come togetherto celebrate the life
of dr. Rex van de kamp...
what is he wearing?
What?
I left him an hour ago,
and he was wearingralph lauren.
But it's what rexwould have wanted.
He loved that prep school.
...But whichever coathe was wearing,
rex always broughtan irresistible enthusiasm
and a single-mindeddetermination to...
so as we mourn the passingof rex van de kamp,
we give thanks to god,
for we do not grieveas those who have no hope
but as those who placetheir trust in god.
wait!
do not closethat coffin.
Give me your tie.
What?
Give me your tie.
give it to her!Give it to her.
You look magnificent.
so it looks like mary alicekilled zach's birth mother
in order to keep herfrom taking zach away.
Oh,my god.
I mean,I knew mary alicehad killed herself
over something big,but wow.
Can you imagine livingwith that guilt?
Isn't it bizarrethat paul and mary alice
had this secretall those years,
and we didn't evenknow about it?
No,not really.
I mean,what do we actuallyknow about our neighbors?
I mean,we can tellif they keep their lawns nice
or they taketheir trash cans in,
but when they do those things,we stop asking questions
'cause if people aregood neighbors...
we don't really carewhat happens behind closed doors.
It had been one year since my suicide...
makes you wonder,doesn't it?
And a lot had changed on wisteria lane.
There were new flowers,
new houses
and new neighbors--
the kind anyone would want living right next door.
is that another hymn?
I know. It's silly,
but playing those songstoday at the funeral
just got me in the mood.
This isyour grandmother's favorite.
Did you remember butter?
I make up this trayevery night.
Of course you do.I'm sorry.
Oh,look.
You added a flower.
Thought it'd be nice.
How'd I get so luckyto have a child like you?
You really do try to thinkabout us.
That flower isa small act of kindness
you thoughtno one would notice,
and yet you did it anyway.
Says a lot abouthow you were raised.
Well,I guessyou did your job.
Thank yourself.
I'll get the tray.
You take the gun.
It really is a lovely gesture.
Desperate Housewives
Sync:YTET-fisherchen -=www.ydy.com/bbs=-